Hi everyone. It seems that the same questions keep popping up in the emails I receive, so in the interest of saving time, I'll answer them here.

Some of them (do you have guitar tabs?) are fairly straightforward (no). Others (when will you be playing in my city?) require more research (see the tour section of my web site). Still others (are you single?) are none of your goddamn business (yes, if you are a super hot chick over the age 18). More questions and answers will be added later.
 
 
   

 

 1. DO YOU REALLY READ YOUR E-MAILS?

 


As my profession takes me on the road a lot, I don't often have time to read all my emails. There are weeks when I receive tens of them, sometimes 11 or twelve. Your chances of being responded to personally increase if a) you kiss my ass a lot, b) you have a terminal disease (NOT herpes) or c) you ask me a question not on this list. Here's my email address.
  2. DO YOU HAVE GUITAR TABS, CHORDS, OR SHEET MUSIC?
 
No. I am far too protective of my material to provide others with tabs. Plus I don't know how to do it.
 
   

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 3. WHEN ARE YOU PLAYING (YOUR CITY HERE)?
 
My web site lists all my scheduled appearances to date. If you live in the New York City area, check often, as dates are added weekly. If you live in the Anchorage, Alaska area, don't fucking bother.

SEE STEPHEN'S COMPLETE TOUR HISTORY HERE
 
   

 

 4. CAN YOU PLAY AT MY COLLEGE?

 
Can I? Yes. Will I? I don 't know, it's not up to me. If you want me to play at your school, contact your student activities board (or whatever organization books acts on campus) and tell them!
 
   
5. CAN I BUY YOUR CD IN STORES?
 
The best place to get the records is at What Are Records? You can also get them at Amazon. It's a lot easier to find if you live in NYC, but some stores in bigger cities do carry it. You can always ask your local store to order it for you.
 
   
6. WHERE CAN I GET YOUR FIRST CD, "HALF A MAN?"
 
You probably can't. Only a thousand were pressed and those sold out in a matter of days. OK, a couple of years. But don't worry, it sucked anyway and all 5 songs were rerecorded for "A Little Bit Special."
 
   
7. CAN I GET INTO YOUR CLUB SHOWS IF I'M UNDER 21 (OR 18)?
 
It all depends on the venue. The easiest way to find out is to call the club itself. Or get a fake ID. The same goes with College and University shows. Some are open to the public, some aren't. If I have that information, I'll post it. Otherwise, try contacting someone on the Student Activities Committee at the school.
 
   
8. CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH?
 
UPDATED - You can only get autographs after shows or if you see Stephen on line at unemployment (the sad impact of downloading) as we're just getting TOO MANY mail requests. 
 
   
9. CAN I GET A COPY OF YOUR COMEDY CENTRAL SPECIAL?
 
I don't know. I'm still working on that one. If you have a VCR, you can tape it next time it's on. I'll post the next air date in Stephen's Corner once I get it or check with Comedy Central.
 
   
10. I WANT TO SEND YOU A PICTURE / FAKE "PRICELESS" AD / COOL GAME / ETC., BUT YOU DON'T ACCEPT ATTACHMENTS. WHY NOT?
 


Because I get multiple copies of the same old crap over and over. But if you want to send very explicit pictures of yourself, your spouse, your mom, etc., send them to lynchpix@aol.com
 
   
11. DO YOU REALLY HAVE A FONDNESS FOR GERBILS?
 
uh....
 
   
12. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING GUITAR?
 
Since college. About 6 years. I still suck.
 
   
13. ARE YOU SINGLE?
 
See above.
 
   
14. HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH YOUR SUBJECT MATERIAL?
 
Most of my material is stolen directly from the works of Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, and Hustler Magazine.